DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a passionate fling with a work colleague after recovering from leukaemia.
It felt like the boost I needed, but I have a wonderful husband and the guilt gets to me every day.
Obviously my diagnosis was a tremendous shock and he was my rock and often my carer.
I was off work for six months. When I was due to go back late last year, what I had gone through hit me hard.
I’d wake up and cry, sit at the dinner table and cry.
I couldn’t feel happy about anything. My husband couldn’t understand it.
He has never had mental health issues and we started bickering.
I met a new colleague on my first day back at work. He’s 30. We chatted and the relationship gradually got flirty.
After a couple of months he suggested we meet outside work.
I knew it wasn’t moral or right but we kissed and it felt so exciting that someone understood me.
He had suffered from depression in the past so he understood how I was feeling.
He gave me something my other half wasn’t giving me at the time, excitement, and our fling turned sexual. I felt guilty but I kept going back, like an addiction.
We saw each other regularly. He would even drive in to work when he wasn’t on shift just to see me — I now realise guys will do anything for a quick fix.
One day I was chatting with a colleague, who didn’t know about my affair, and he said my lover was a rat who had slept with several people at work.
I just nodded and didn’t say anything but confronted my lover later.
He admitted to having sex with one other colleague, but only told me because I’d found him out.
I realised what my gut had known all along — he’s bad news. I stopped our affair.
I was willing to go on being friends but he made me feel like a nuisance if I messaged him.
He’d got what he wanted from me and had now turned cold.
It’s been months since we last spoke but what I did plays on my mind most days.
My husband and I are very happy together but I feel like the worst person.
Do I come clean and risk losing him or keep this in my head for the rest of our lives? Maybe the guilt is my punishment.