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I had a passionate affair after recovering from cancer but now I feel so guilty

DEAR DEIDRE:  I HAD a passionate fling with a work colleague after recovering from leukaemia.

It felt like the boost I needed, but I have a wonderful husband and the guilt gets to me every day.

I had a passionate affair with a work colleague after recovering from leukaemia

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I had a passionate affair with a work colleague after recovering from leukaemiaCredit: Alamy

I’m 28 and my husband is 29. He is my best friend, we have great sex and we make each other laugh.

Obviously my diagnosis was a tremendous shock and he was my rock and often my carer.

I was off work for six months. When I was due to go back late last year, what I had gone through hit me hard.

I’d wake up and cry, sit at the dinner table and cry.

I couldn’t feel happy about anything. My husband couldn’t understand it.

He has never had mental health issues and we started bickering.

I met a new colleague on my first day back at work. He’s 30. We chatted and the relationship gradually got flirty.

When I was due to go back to work I'd constantly cry and couldn't feel happy about anything

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When I was due to go back to work I’d constantly cry and couldn’t feel happy about anythingCredit: Getty Images – Getty

After a couple of months he suggested we meet outside work.

I knew it wasn’t moral or right but we kissed and it felt so exciting that someone understood me.

He had suffered from depression in the past so he understood how I was feeling.

He gave me something my other half wasn’t giving me at the time, excitement, and our fling turned sexual. I felt guilty but I kept going back, like an addiction.

We saw each other regularly. He would even drive in to work when he wasn’t on shift just to see me — I now realise guys will do anything for a quick fix.

One day I was chatting with a colleague, who didn’t know about my affair, and he said my lover was a rat who had slept with several people at work.

I just nodded and didn’t say anything but confronted my lover later.

My colleague suggested we meet outside work and it felt so exciting that someone understood me

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My colleague suggested we meet outside work and it felt so exciting that someone understood meCredit: Getty – Contributor

He admitted to having sex with one other colleague, but only told me because I’d found him out.

I realised what my gut had known all along — he’s bad news. I stopped our affair.

I was willing to go on being friends but he made me feel like a nuisance if I messaged him.

He’d got what he wanted from me and had now turned cold.

It’s been months since we last spoke but what I did plays on my mind most days.

My husband and I are very happy together but I feel like the worst person.

Do I come clean and risk losing him or keep this in my head for the rest of our lives? Maybe the guilt is my punishment.

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